Nov 274 min read

Managing Difficult Conversations | Support for Primary Care Network Leaders

Updated: 7 days ago

At THC Primary Care, we provide resources for Primary Care Network leaders.

In this blog, we are tackling the topic of managing difficult conversations and providing feedback.

The blog breaks down;

The lead-up
The preparation
The reality of the conversation
Moving forward
Conclusion
More Resources

This blog also contains book and podcast recommendations and even more resources for those who are part of the PCN Members Club.

This blog isn't the usual 'how-to' guide about managing difficult conversations. It’s an insight into what it actually feels like, to provide some assurance that you are not the only one and to hopefully give you the confidence to let you know you can and will work through the situation you are in.

Let's jump in!

Phase 1: The Lead Up

Difficult conversations at work are something I’ve come to recognise as both challenging and uncomfortable - but ultimately, unavoidable.

In preparation for this meeting, I may wish to consider the following.

🤔 Will this conversation improve or damage the relationship?

⏰ When is the best time and place for this discussion?

📋 Am I acting on facts or assumptions?

📝 Have I prepared specific examples to illustrate my points?

🎯 What do I want to achieve from this conversation?

💭 How might they respond, and how will I handle it?

🧠 Am I emotionally ready for this talk?

🔍 Are there factors I’m unaware of that could be influencing their behaviour?

👂 How can I make them feel heard during the discussion?

👩🏾‍💻 Do I need to document this conversation?

As I reflect on these questions, I also ask myself: What role have I played in this situation?

⁉️ Have I let standards slip?

⁉️ Did I unintentionally send mixed messages?

⁉️ Maybe I haven’t been as clear with the vision or instructions as I thought.

⁉️ Have I overlooked certain behaviours or comments in the past that I’m now starting to see as issues?

⁉️ Is the root of the problem something that reflects the broader culture of the team or organisation?

Having weighed up the situation and reached the conclusion that this conversation needs to happen, the next phase is to prepare for the meeting.

Phase 2: The Preparation

In preparation for a potentially difficult conversation, the following books provide answers to a variety of different approaches.

You may have different tools. This is fine. Just make sure you use them.

📗 No Hard Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy

We all know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed with emotions at work – everything from jealousy to insecurity, anxiety to straight-up panic – and there’s no field guide to coping with them well.

This book will help you figure out how to express your emotions productively in order to be both happier and more effective at work. Drawing on behavioural economics and psychology,

One book review shared: Don't send another email, attempt a serious conversation at work, or try to follow your intuition until you read this book," and I wholeheartedly agree.

You don't have to read this book cover to cover, let the index to guide you.

📙 Leading Teams by Mary Shapiro

This book, ideally, should be read before and after the difficult conversation and not in preparation for the conservation.

This book is all about helping us to build a winning team, helping us to:

👥 Pick the right team members

🌱 Cultivate the skills of others

🎯 Set clear and smart goals

🤝 Rally support both from within and outside of the organisation

🤗 Foster camaraderie and cooperation

⚡ Address behaviour before it gets out of hand

💭 Promote healthy dissent

🤔 Resolve conflict

✅ Hold team members accountable

🎬 Keep focussed

📕 Brilliant Communication Skills By Gill Hasson

I brought this book in my first management role, and it still sits visible on my desk today.

As someone who always supports new groups of people, it is imperative I am aware of my default communication style and when I need to adapt and how to confidently communicate effectively in difficult times,

If you need to enhance your communication skills, this book will help you start.

Phase 3: The Reality of the Conversation

When the conversation finally happens, it’s never easy, but my job is to maintain my composure despite the tension in the air. I’ve learned to expect all kinds of reactions—tears, anger, even denial.

Handling the immediate aftermath is also critical, and I’ve had to remind myself to keep things professional, even if the conversation felt intense.

Office dynamics can also shift, so I try to stay mindful of how others react afterward.

Phase 4: Moving Forward

So now the deed is done, and you both have to face your other colleague in various settings as you are likely not all based in one place. Your colleagues won't know what has gone on or what has been said, but they will whisper, even if the conversation ends on a positive note... but it’s over (you hope!).

In my experience – there is always a sense of relief after the event. I may replay the conversation, but I have learnt to move forward and act quickly when I see something that needs addressing. Afterwards, the past needs to remain in the past.

Conclusion

Many leaders avoid giving feedback out of fear, but this often leads to built-up resentment and unclear expectations. While difficult conversations are never easy, they're essential for healthy workplace relationships and team growth.

More Resources

One tool which has helped me tremendously is the Core Strengths Assessment. I loved it so much that I became a certified practitioner. More details can be found here about how I work closely with dedicated healthcare leaders to drive and direct the enhancement of their team performance with the Strengths Deployment Inventory.